I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I need a beard to bite.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
