so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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