She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
