she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
