So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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