The maid of honor just puked.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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