Jerry, you need to find god
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
