My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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