I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
