I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
