Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
