She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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