just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
