i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
