I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
