I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
