It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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