I think my vagina is haunted
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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