The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
