I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
tell your sister to shave her snatch
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
