Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I wish you could order shots online.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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