i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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