i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
