I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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