i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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