roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
