not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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