i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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