addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
