A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
