And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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