I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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