I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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