And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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