Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So many bounce houses so little time
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
