that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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