I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
