areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
