You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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