He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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