I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
