I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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