Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
