the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
