you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
