direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
