I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Alive.
So much puke
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
