he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
