I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
