8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The feeling are messing with the penis
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
