he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
