i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
